The Potato Salad Salute - A Tribute

One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact.
- Geddy Lee

Jupiter Hyperspace Crystalstar, people. When are we going to learn to be transparent? Who the hell wants to remain intact when your life sucks? Geddy's words should be heeded as a warning, not taken as advice. Anyway, that's my serious rant for the day. Let's laugh at the misfortunes of others, shall we?

Reported by The Guardian (London) on July 20, 2005: In July, as teams of poverty-stricken soccer players from around the world showed up in Scotland for the "Homeless World Cup," immigration officials denied entry to players from Kenya, Zambia, Burundi, Cameroon and Nigeria because they lacked funds for lodging and meals during the tournament.

Let us pray.

Lord, we thank Thee for this story of the afflictions of the poor which thou hast given in thy mercy. We thank Thee for the humor and irony therein. Lastly, we ask Thee for the ability to sarcastically analyze the story and leech out any and all humorous possibilities. Amen.

The training, the dedication, the sweat, the drinking, the begging – ESPN8, "The Ocho," presents the Homeless World Cup. We're live from the Refrigerator Box Bowl right here in sunny Edinburgh, Scotland bringing you non-stop coverage of the world's premier homeless footballers. Stay tuned for live games, in-depth analyses, and player interviews right after this message from our sponsor, Boone's Farm Strawberry.
Wow. It's just unbelievable to me that these dudes that are homeless, presumably men who can't find or keep steady work for one reason or the other, have the dedication to train for a world-class sporting event. If they're that committed, why the hell are they homeless? I just don't know what the hell to say. I'm floored by this. They lacked the funding for lodging and meals? Right. And that was maybe because they are FUCKING HOMELESS! These people actually prepared to travel to another CONTINENT without securing enough money to pay for the trip. They were planning on going to Scotland and being homeless there, just like at home. Meanwhile, I have been blessed with a job at which I am present every cursed day, and I have never been to Europe. I probably won't ever go to Europe. I want to go to fucking Europe! Why are homeless people traveling to Scotland to play soccer when all I want to do is go to Prague and drink the 50 cent micro brew? And speaking of Prague's cheaper-than-water (literally) ale, why wasn't the tournament held there? What better place, right? Look, I'm not saying that all homeless people drink, but…um…oh, yeah, all homeless people drink! I have a vision of these guys running around the field wearing fingerless gloves and trenchcoats carrying paper-wrapped bottles in their hands. After all, you only use your feet in soccer. The ball occasionally hits people in the face, teeth fall out, there's a scrim when they all jump on the lost tooth looking for gold caps, it's a fucking homeless soccer game, for the sake of Pete. Wait a minute, maybe that's the grand prize – a bottle of Pete's Fortified Homogenized Sake! Hell yeah! Where do I sign up? Get me my trenchcoat, woman! I gots me a kick 'em ball game to play. Hold my sign, I'll be right back. Potato Salad!