The Effect of Tight, Boot-Cut Jeans on the Psyche

I watched Crash last night. Damned good movie; I recommend it. I have to ask, though: What the hell message was that movie trying to convey?

If you've seen the flick, you know it's about racism, or at least I think it is. It could also be about how everything you do affects someone else, so be careful what you do, blah, blah, blah. But if it's about racism, the message was muddy, at best. Every racist act, idea, or attitude in the movie was in some way justified. Yet all racism is wrong…period…and kiss my ass if you think otherwise. So it's confusing as hell. I guess it's one of those "makes you think" movies.

Racism is a strange thing to me. As a Republican, I believe that all men were created equal with certain inalienable rights that can't be taken away from them no matter what, and "all men" would include any race, any sexuality, whatever. Hell, even Saddam has rights. And can you really justify thinking any one thing about an entire group of people? Don Cheadle asks in the movie who got all of the diverse races and nationalities of the Hispanic culture together and taught them all to park their cars on the lawn. Now, that's some funny shit…especially because my car was parked in the grass last night (I'm not kidding). Hey, I had a good reason, OK? A friend here at work said that her daughter walked in the street the other day to avoid 4 young Black men walking down the sidewalk. My friend witnessed this and asked her daughter why she had done it. The girl said that she was scared because the boys had on baggy pants and looked mean. She said she thought they were going to steal her clarinet. Again, that's some funny shit right there. First off, I doubt these kids were a roving gang of band nerds looking for nice instruments to steal. Secondly, unless they were roving band nerds looking for nice instruments to steal, why the fuck would they want her clarinet? I can just see these dudes pulling the clarinet out, assembling it, wetting down the reed, and then walking down the street playing klezmer music and rapping to it. "Can a nigga get a MITZVAH?!"

I used to be a bigot. Then I stopped drinking Coors Light on a daily fucking basis, listening to country music, and wearing Wranglers® and everything straightened out. And speaking of music, what's with the racial separation? Seriously, why is it so hard for some people to appreciate the gifts and hard work it takes to make music…any music? You can tell me all day that Eminem has no talent, but until I see you out-write him, kiss my ass. The dude's a fucking genius. Can you assemble sound like Dr. Dre or Timbaland? If so, go to Hollywood, muthafucka. Don't sit around here telling me how much they suck. And what's with people who think all rock is shitty music? Have you heard of King's X, jackass? Has Incubus never crossed your ears? And if they did, would you even give them a chance?

If you're a racist, go live in your shitty little world, asshat. I'll be here enjoying the varied and diverse scenery and listening to Run DMC rap to the music of Aerosmith. Now that's quality, bitches.