Rumors of My Death...
I'm still alive. Jack is playing The Beastie Boys' "Brass Monkey" right now and although I don't dwell in a castle in Brooklyn, I do agree that those with "beef" should get beat to a pulp.
I just enrolled in college for the first time in 10 years or so and in another 10 years I'll still be seeking my baccalaureate. I can't take online classes because of my computer situation. When I blog, I blog from work because I live in the small Egyptian town of Bumfuck where there is no high speed internet and the wires are so old even a modem can't connect at higher than 28,800 kbps. Remember those 28k modems? Man, I thought those things were awesome when they first came out. With a 28k modem you could download War and Peace in only 247 days. That's space age technology right there, I tell you what. I had my house on the market for a year and no one wanted it. I found out later that even though we had reduced the price about 4 months into it, the realtor never changed the listing in MLS. Awesome. I love it when people take pride in their work. So anyway, I may actually start blogging again because 1. no one will read anything I write, and 2. being in college will require tons of writing and maybe that will get some creative juices flowing. Not to mention the fact that I'll have lots of interesting stories to tell about my fellow "adult" students.
It turns out I'm not "traditional-aged." That's right. I have been identified in a PC way for the first time in my life. Now I have all kinds of stuff popping into my head. Is it possible I'm "glutally challenged" because of my flat ass? Does my slighty brown skin make me a "caucasian of non-traditional anglo descent?" Am I a "multi-cultural American?" Crap! I'm "non-denominational!" I'm not losing weight, I'm "right-sizing!"
Speaking of right-sizing, my company is dying a slow death it breathlessly refers to as "The Way Forward." More like the way downward. I mean seriously, do you tear a house down to the foundation to rebuild it? I mean, if the roof is off of the thing, the rain will get in and mess up the cabinets, furniture, doors. The walls will corrode and fall off and soon raccoons will move in and we will be unable to chase them off with a broom. Next thing you know the chupacabra will move into a closet and terrorize the children as he rips the flesh of the poor raccoons from their bones. But I digress. Clearly, I've gone way the hell off subject, if there was one in the first place.
Oh! I never pierced my nethers, I got over that when I heard you have to sit down to pee. I do that enough as it is, no need adding to it. Also I've had the old sack worked on, and the recovery was less than pleasant. Or it may be that I subconsciously remember my circumcision, which was terrifying and went horribly wrong. It's easy to see that too much was taken from me. I can only hope that some hapless burn victim benefited from my penile disfigurement. Of course with my luck the skin was most likely preserved until recently when doctors began using foreskin in penile enlargement surgery. I only know that because I saw it on Plastic Surgery: Before and After. Don't get any ideas.
I just enrolled in college for the first time in 10 years or so and in another 10 years I'll still be seeking my baccalaureate. I can't take online classes because of my computer situation. When I blog, I blog from work because I live in the small Egyptian town of Bumfuck where there is no high speed internet and the wires are so old even a modem can't connect at higher than 28,800 kbps. Remember those 28k modems? Man, I thought those things were awesome when they first came out. With a 28k modem you could download War and Peace in only 247 days. That's space age technology right there, I tell you what. I had my house on the market for a year and no one wanted it. I found out later that even though we had reduced the price about 4 months into it, the realtor never changed the listing in MLS. Awesome. I love it when people take pride in their work. So anyway, I may actually start blogging again because 1. no one will read anything I write, and 2. being in college will require tons of writing and maybe that will get some creative juices flowing. Not to mention the fact that I'll have lots of interesting stories to tell about my fellow "adult" students.
It turns out I'm not "traditional-aged." That's right. I have been identified in a PC way for the first time in my life. Now I have all kinds of stuff popping into my head. Is it possible I'm "glutally challenged" because of my flat ass? Does my slighty brown skin make me a "caucasian of non-traditional anglo descent?" Am I a "multi-cultural American?" Crap! I'm "non-denominational!" I'm not losing weight, I'm "right-sizing!"
Speaking of right-sizing, my company is dying a slow death it breathlessly refers to as "The Way Forward." More like the way downward. I mean seriously, do you tear a house down to the foundation to rebuild it? I mean, if the roof is off of the thing, the rain will get in and mess up the cabinets, furniture, doors. The walls will corrode and fall off and soon raccoons will move in and we will be unable to chase them off with a broom. Next thing you know the chupacabra will move into a closet and terrorize the children as he rips the flesh of the poor raccoons from their bones. But I digress. Clearly, I've gone way the hell off subject, if there was one in the first place.
Oh! I never pierced my nethers, I got over that when I heard you have to sit down to pee. I do that enough as it is, no need adding to it. Also I've had the old sack worked on, and the recovery was less than pleasant. Or it may be that I subconsciously remember my circumcision, which was terrifying and went horribly wrong. It's easy to see that too much was taken from me. I can only hope that some hapless burn victim benefited from my penile disfigurement. Of course with my luck the skin was most likely preserved until recently when doctors began using foreskin in penile enlargement surgery. I only know that because I saw it on Plastic Surgery: Before and After. Don't get any ideas.
posted by Mitch/Mike at 8/18/2006 11:23:00 AM
1 Comments:
This is too weird. I just decided to start blogging again and here you are. Nice to be back.
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