The Wrap-up
Apparently, lots of websites and blogs do year end wrap-ups, and I will not be breaking the tradition. Now, I haven't seen any of these wrap-ups, but I like the idea because it's stupid and corny and I like stupid and corny. Besides, my important works get buried under each other and I need to rehash them for your entertainment.
So, the first post was a stream of consciousness thing about finding out a competitor was using my company's badging illegally and deceiving customers into going to them for their pick 'em up truck needs. The situation ended up all the way in Motor City, letters were sent, people were threatened, and I won some silly award that pays $25 and a certificate. Awesome. Welfare is still jacked up, Texas still rules, and Ted Jesuschrist God is still coming soon to take out his anger on his mortal enemies. Becky Oliver is still rooting out evil business owners and corrupt politicians with her in-your-face brand of investigative reporting. And Mexican women still believe in the dangers of exposure to cold weather.
The team I am supervising is currently composed of a girl from India (that our customers probably think is IN India), a guy from Chicago that now lives on a farm here in Texas, a flamboyant older gay man that the girls consider one of their own, and 5 Mexican chicks (4 of which are single mothers [of course] ). These Mexican ladies are sweet, attractive, intelligent women. And they think that mincing garlic into a glass of milk and drinking it will cure anything from a sinus infection to food poisoning. They also believe in the concept of "ojo." Ojo is a theory of sorts which posits that if one admires something, one must compliment it or bad things will happen. For instance, if I admire my friend's shirt I have to tell him or I will spill something on my shirt. If I remember prior to the bad thing happening that I put the "ojo" curse on myself, I can dispel it by rubbing an egg, thereby transferring the curse to the helpless chicken embryo. I just keep reminding myself of their sweetness, intelligence (where it counts), and attractiveness and I enjoy the snacks.
Kermit still hasn't cum. That froggy bastard gots legs, I tell ya! Debra LaFave, the hottest teacher I've ever seen, got probation for banging a 14 year old boy that eventually told on her. I'll never get over that. I think the judge gave her probation because he couldn't deal with it, either. You can still buy poop deodorizer over the internet and that guy at work that everybody hates is still here. Well, sort of. He's been missing tons of work lately. I think he's holding out for the promotion he applied for which comes with a relocation package. Or maybe he's looking for another job. All of the bridges may be burnt here.
I haven't had anymore dreams of naked snowcone purchases. Nor have I done anything to improve my appearance. Fuck you. Just kidding, I love you. Fuck you. People are still into S&M and I imagine that someone somewhere is considering breaking into a building to have sex. Those same people are enjoying some good old Backstreet Boyz music and watching awards shows on TV, and those things are the only things that they have in common with the "richest two percent" or whatever communists call the president's friends.
I love my wife. This is probably the biggest thing that has happened since I started this blog. Not that I didn't love her before, but my actions certainly didn't bear that out. I spent enough time trying to convince her that our problems were her problems that I realized that I was the whole problem. Not that she was or is perfect, but I realized a couple of things. First of all, we each need to deal with our own BS rather than running around trying to change everyone else. Second, if we are going to love people, we need to love them in spite of the circumstance. Oh, and I also learned that memory is a vehicle for a longing and desire. When I honestly looked at the "good old days" when we first got married, I wasn't really happy then, either. I just pretended I was to justify the changes I observed in my wife's response to me. In any case, I am more in love with her than I ever have been and I'm happy now. I've learned to see the big picture in my relationship with my wife. Happy isn't situational, it's the result of an overall picture of the quality of my life.
Homeless people are still playing world-class soccer tournaments. And racism is still holding a brotha down. Social workers are still desperately poor and homos still can't get married to their booty buddies in Texas or 19 other states. I haven't seen the '82 New Yorker anymore; I assume it broke down after the simulated police chase. The guy that sprinkled poop on the donuts at a Dallas grocery store got some crazy long sentence. My friend at work got over her silly ass anger at not having been asked to lunch, and it only took a day.
War is still hell, but you can kiss my bobo if you think it's not winnable. I have the utmost respect and confidence in American armed forces.
Oh, and I'm still sterile and enjoying the hell out of it. And I'll be catching some more fish in January.
Now for the news:
Howard Stern is going to Sirius. I am praying for the success of Sirius because I am freaking loving it! Raw Dog is a channel that plays nothing but stand-up comics all day long. There's a channel that plays only jazz standards, a dozen or so rock channels, a bluegrass channel, and dozens of channels I don't want to listen to. Sirius rocks!
Other stuff is happening, too, but it's Christmas people. Leave me alone!
So, the first post was a stream of consciousness thing about finding out a competitor was using my company's badging illegally and deceiving customers into going to them for their pick 'em up truck needs. The situation ended up all the way in Motor City, letters were sent, people were threatened, and I won some silly award that pays $25 and a certificate. Awesome. Welfare is still jacked up, Texas still rules, and Ted Jesuschrist God is still coming soon to take out his anger on his mortal enemies. Becky Oliver is still rooting out evil business owners and corrupt politicians with her in-your-face brand of investigative reporting. And Mexican women still believe in the dangers of exposure to cold weather.
The team I am supervising is currently composed of a girl from India (that our customers probably think is IN India), a guy from Chicago that now lives on a farm here in Texas, a flamboyant older gay man that the girls consider one of their own, and 5 Mexican chicks (4 of which are single mothers [of course] ). These Mexican ladies are sweet, attractive, intelligent women. And they think that mincing garlic into a glass of milk and drinking it will cure anything from a sinus infection to food poisoning. They also believe in the concept of "ojo." Ojo is a theory of sorts which posits that if one admires something, one must compliment it or bad things will happen. For instance, if I admire my friend's shirt I have to tell him or I will spill something on my shirt. If I remember prior to the bad thing happening that I put the "ojo" curse on myself, I can dispel it by rubbing an egg, thereby transferring the curse to the helpless chicken embryo. I just keep reminding myself of their sweetness, intelligence (where it counts), and attractiveness and I enjoy the snacks.
Kermit still hasn't cum. That froggy bastard gots legs, I tell ya! Debra LaFave, the hottest teacher I've ever seen, got probation for banging a 14 year old boy that eventually told on her. I'll never get over that. I think the judge gave her probation because he couldn't deal with it, either. You can still buy poop deodorizer over the internet and that guy at work that everybody hates is still here. Well, sort of. He's been missing tons of work lately. I think he's holding out for the promotion he applied for which comes with a relocation package. Or maybe he's looking for another job. All of the bridges may be burnt here.
I haven't had anymore dreams of naked snowcone purchases. Nor have I done anything to improve my appearance. Fuck you. Just kidding, I love you. Fuck you. People are still into S&M and I imagine that someone somewhere is considering breaking into a building to have sex. Those same people are enjoying some good old Backstreet Boyz music and watching awards shows on TV, and those things are the only things that they have in common with the "richest two percent" or whatever communists call the president's friends.
I love my wife. This is probably the biggest thing that has happened since I started this blog. Not that I didn't love her before, but my actions certainly didn't bear that out. I spent enough time trying to convince her that our problems were her problems that I realized that I was the whole problem. Not that she was or is perfect, but I realized a couple of things. First of all, we each need to deal with our own BS rather than running around trying to change everyone else. Second, if we are going to love people, we need to love them in spite of the circumstance. Oh, and I also learned that memory is a vehicle for a longing and desire. When I honestly looked at the "good old days" when we first got married, I wasn't really happy then, either. I just pretended I was to justify the changes I observed in my wife's response to me. In any case, I am more in love with her than I ever have been and I'm happy now. I've learned to see the big picture in my relationship with my wife. Happy isn't situational, it's the result of an overall picture of the quality of my life.
Homeless people are still playing world-class soccer tournaments. And racism is still holding a brotha down. Social workers are still desperately poor and homos still can't get married to their booty buddies in Texas or 19 other states. I haven't seen the '82 New Yorker anymore; I assume it broke down after the simulated police chase. The guy that sprinkled poop on the donuts at a Dallas grocery store got some crazy long sentence. My friend at work got over her silly ass anger at not having been asked to lunch, and it only took a day.
War is still hell, but you can kiss my bobo if you think it's not winnable. I have the utmost respect and confidence in American armed forces.
Oh, and I'm still sterile and enjoying the hell out of it. And I'll be catching some more fish in January.
Now for the news:
Howard Stern is going to Sirius. I am praying for the success of Sirius because I am freaking loving it! Raw Dog is a channel that plays nothing but stand-up comics all day long. There's a channel that plays only jazz standards, a dozen or so rock channels, a bluegrass channel, and dozens of channels I don't want to listen to. Sirius rocks!
Other stuff is happening, too, but it's Christmas people. Leave me alone!
posted by Mitch/Mike at 12/20/2005 12:29:00 PM
1 Comments:
Speaking of naked sno-cone dreams, I can't go to sleep anymore without dreaming of IBM. This is totally distressing because I can't stand to be there when I'm awake, let alone when I'm asleep and dreaming that I'm in a meeting with 15 customer reps while I'm naked with a massive boner. (I've had that one twice.)
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